I wish

It's all doom and gloom at Mercury these days. Actually, it's been that way for a decade. There's talk of an up-market Focus and not much else. The brand has been close to the automotive Grim Reaper a few times, but instead he headed on over to GM and took Oldsmobile and Pontiac to the morgue. Mercury offers, in terms of car models, the Milan, which no one cares about, and the Grand Marquis, which is the closest thing to a Nimitz-class carrier ship on the market today. Hopeless, you say? Redundant? One argument I've heard ad nauseum is that Ford should follow the lead of the Japanese companies and offer only two brands. I disagree. Mercury has a future, but that future isn't in small cars. It isn't in SUVs or crossovers or electric cars either.

Hear me out.

Remember the Merkur? It was a sales disaster, as we all know, but that was more of a marketing and perception problem than anything else. The Ford Scorpio was a good car, and thousands of Europeans bought it in the '80s and '90s. Ford still makes some great cars overseas, but they seem reluctant to bring them here. If Allan Mulally were to call me up tomorrow and put me in charge of Mercury, I'd bring in some big changes ASAP.

In Australia, Ford sells a popular car called the Falcon. It's a little bigger than the Fusion we get here, but, unlike the Fusion/Milan/MKZ/Mazda6, it's rear-wheel drive. Which means, of course, that with a little work it could become a decent sporting sedan. Ford doesn't make a true sports sedan right now. None of the big three do, to be honest (G8/CTS/300C/Charger fanboys, don't kill me!) If Ford brought the FG Falcon sold in Oz to North America and sold it as, say, the Mercury Comet (good name there, lots of heritage behind it), cars like the Nissan Maxima and the TSX would have some honest competition. Bring over the Falcon XR6 with its 4.0L inline-6 and 6-speed manual gearbox, and we'd have a veritable 4-door Mustang on our hands. The Falcon XR6 sells for $41,190 AUD, which is equivalent to about $34,000 here. With a few luxury goodies to satisfy those who appreciate the finer things in life, and with its muscular I-6 left intact, that XR6 from the southern hemisphere would make one helluva Mercury. What's more, the Falcon is a pretty car. With a waterfall grilled and the occasional, well-placed chrome accent, it would look great in a comparo with the new Maxima, or even with a Volvo S60 R.

The Falcon, of course, would be but the Genesis of a new life for Mercury. The Mustang, with some softened, elegant exterior sculpting and a luxurious cockpit, would make a fantastic Cougar or a Marauder even. The other day, I photoshopped the nose of an '02 Marauder onto the front of an '08 Mustang. It didn't look half bad, to be honest. There's potential here. Basically, what I'm saying is that Ford should make Mercury into a niche-brand, like GM was going to do with Pontiac. Sports sedans and maybe a nimble coupe would be the order of the day, Euro-style. There'd be no V8s, much less chrome, and no automatic would ever roll off a dealer's lot. Everything would be rear-wheel drive, understated, and tuned simultaneously for performance and efficiency.

Sadly, this is basically the exact opposite of what Ford wants to do with Mercury right now. Everything we hear from Dearborn re. Mercury these days is all about luxury small cars and efficiency. All very well, but let's put it this way: would I buy a Mercury Fiesta? No. Would I buy an RWD Falcon XR6 with a Mercury badge and an angry inline-6? Of course I would. There are lots of economy cars around. If you want to buy an upscale small car, you buy an Audi A3, or a Volvo C30, or a Mercedes B-Class, or a 1-Series. You see what I'm getting at? If you want to buy an agile, fun-to-drive, RWD American car that isn't a gas-hog, you buy a .... ? Well, you buy a 3-Series, because there's no domestic that fits the bill. With its current strategy for Mercury, Ford will boost its image but attract few buyers. With my strategy, it will boost its image and become the idol of gearheads the world over. Allan Mulally, give me a call, would you?