To have and to hold

Being a musician, I played for a wedding today. It got me thinking. About cars. I know, matrimony and torque seldom fit together too well. But there are exceptions to every rule.

To wit: Remember, back last year, when there was talk of a merger between Chrysler and GM? I like to call that merger that never was a "shotgun marriage." It would've been a union that, under ideal circumstances, wouldn't have been necessary. It would've been an act to save face at the last moment for both parties involved. The shotgun of bankruptcy, so to speak, was lying on the table. Of course, we all know the said merger fell through. But what if things had worked out a little differently? What kind of products would we be looking at, in 2011 or 2012 and beyond, if the Chrysler LLC had become General Motors' Chrysler Division?

I'll look into my crystal ball and find out.

Buick would likely have been given the boot. Chrysler sells similar cars at the same price point. The 300C, maybe, would've eventually been moved over to the G8's Zeta platform. Admittedly, a luxury G8 with a Hemi would be pretty cool. And the Sebring? Well, maybe it would find its niche as a rebadged, up-market Saturn Aura. You never know.

Dodge, like Pontiac, has a performance history. Perhaps the Charger would share the Zeta architecture. Ever heard of the desultory G6? It has good bones, the same ones that you can find in the Malibu. Call it the Avenger, or the Intrepid, or whatever, and give it a gun sight grille. Rebadging supreme. Sell the Ram as a sport truck, I see those around all the time. Let GMC handle the farm truck business. Not that I care too much, honestly.

Use the LX platform and make it into a good, full-size Cadillac. Comes from Mercedes, after all. Extend the wheelbase (already been done, it's called the Walter P. Chrysler Executive Series) and call it the Fleetwood. Or FTS, using Caddy's new nomenclature. Works out decently, I'd say.

But of course, this will never happen now. Europe will get the Alfa Charger and we'll get the Plymouth Punto. The Dodge Viper would be joined by a Panda and a Spider. We'll get an Italian Imperial and a Neapolitan New Yorker. Not that I have a problem with any of this of course. After all, Fiat owns Ferrari. Who knows, maybe we'll be seeing a 599-based Laser or an Enzo-inspired Cordoba. Unrealistic? Sure. But keep this in mind: back when Iacocca was in control, who would've guessed that the Pentastar would ever end up under European ownership? Exactly. Now bring on the paddle shifters.